Give Me A Reason To Live
by WatchMeBurn-HearMeCry
Summary: 4 teen girls had had something traumatic happen in their lives. they all meet online in a chatroom and discuss their stories they decide death would be better then living, but when they meet Big Time Rush, minds changed, sparks fly, and frienships break.
1. Chapter 1: Aubree

**here it is! i finally got some of it written! thank you to Temporarily . Me . 72, MCR-Luvur4all-Eternity and Cloudy-TheNightmarQueen for the OC's of Lexie Ellis, Penelope Porder, and Kayla Ross. for the first few chapters, its just going to follow one of the girls per chapter until they all meet. so please enjoy the story and let me know what you think by reviewing. (oh, and just thought i would clear this up, i used to be JoluJasamSkate but changed my username to WatchMeBurn-HearMeCry because no one knew what JoluJasamSkate meant)**

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Suicide Pact

Chapter One

Aubree

_'Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more then half and it has sucked every minute so far, it probably isn't going to get great at the end and make it all worthwhile, none should blame you for walking out early,' –Doug Stanhope _

Aubree Davis slammed the door to her bedroom shut right behind her after she walked in and carelessly dropped her school bag to the hardwood floor where it landed with a thud.

She then quickly pulled out her black ponytail holder with the violet ribbon in it for her school colors, purple, white and black. The ribbon matched her violet plaid skirt and tie that was over her white three quarter of length sleeved dress shirt. She attended Grace Academy, a private Christian school in Marysville, Washington.

Aubree had been attending Grace Academy since first grade. She used to love it there, the class sizes were small and it was a great learning environment all about God and Jesus.

Now, now Aubree hated it. To her, it was a constant reminder of what happened to her two years from tomorrow.

Aubree put her hair ribbon down on her nightstand by her bed and ran her fingers through her blonde hair, making it fall to her shoulders.

She couldn't help but sigh when she noticed her mom closed the blinds to her room again. Some things her parents would never understand, like how she needed to have light in her room or how she could never be in the dark. They thought that it was ridicules, but they weren't the ones locked in dark room for what felt like five hundred years but was only five months.

They didn't have the things that happened to her happen to them. They weren't forced to 'marry' a creepy guy.

Lucky to be alive, that was what the police told her. Lucky definitely wasn't the word Aubree would use. More like misfortunate.

Aubree was cursed with the memories of everything that happened to her there. How the two crazy brothers took her and Haylie against their will. The women that made them get dressed nicely before they were forced to 'marry' their male capturers. Remember what he did to her while she was there. Remember the escape attempt and Haylie running next to her until she tripped and fell behind. Remember the ear splitting gunshot that hit Haylie. Haylie's voice yelling at Aubree to keep running. Remembering she left her best friend there to die while she made it out alive.

She had to remember everything.

A single tear fell down Aubree's cheek as she remembered that, but she quickly wiped it away. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't feel sorry for herself, even though everyone else did. She refused to do that. She spent the first year after that event feeling sorry for herself. She was not going to start doing that again.

Aubree quickly walked over to her bedroom window and opened the blinds letting in the dim sunlight from the rainy dreary day that was so common on the Puget Sound region of Washington State. As the light shined through, Aubree relaxed her once tensed muscles as the dull sunlight hit her skin.

She just stared at the rain pouring outside as it struck her bedroom window and could be heard falling on the roof.

One thing Aubree knew. Rain was rain. It would always be the same to her. Calming. Relaxing. Perfect.

She was staring out the window for who knows how long when she heard a 'ping' come from her laptop across the room on her desk by the closet. She sighed as she walked over it and sat down on the spiny chair at her desk and typed in her password to login to her computer. As soon as she did, the web page for her blog came up.

Www dot watch me burn hear me cry dot COM.

She has had that blog ever since she couldn't take the guilt of being responsible for Haylie's death. it was like her diary, but she posted it on her own website under the name of Ember Wolfe. Aubree Davis just didn't sound like the kind of name for her blog. Her name was too happy and cheerful. And ironically, her middle name was Joy.

That was the exact opposite of how Aubree felt. She hadn't laughed or smiled in what felt like forever. She wasn't even sure she had laughed or smiled since her and Haylie's abduction almost two years ago. Definitely not when she found out that Haylie was dead and didn't make it out alive.

Aubree stares at her computer screen which had one of her entries on it.

'I cut myself for the first time today. I don't know what came over me, its been exactly one year since Haylie was killed.

I woke up this morning and looked out the window of my room to the back end of the park behind my property. We have a gate from the backyard to the park. Its just on the other side of the fence. In my view are some hills where people always fly kites and the concrete bike path that leads to the wooden bridge, which leads to the woods trail. Right after Haylie and I crossed that bridge was when we were grabbed. Everything came flooding back from the kidnapping.

Everything.

The pain started up again. The pain my therapist said would go away in time and that I just needed to stay strong and it would get better.

It wasn't getting any better.

I didn't know how to get it to stop. Some people say cutting themselves help with the pain. I thought it was a myth. People only said that to justify what they did. How they cut themselves.

But the pain did go away. When I held the knife over my wrist, and I made the cut, I felt so much better.

I never thought I would hear myself say that. but I also never thought what happened to me what have happened. I guess it makes since because in a moment, everything can change.

XOXO Ember Wolfe'

Aubree scrolled down to the entry after that which was a poem she wrote.

No where to go

No one to love

Always alone

When you're gone

It hurts everyday

Why did you leave like that

In such a violent way

I feel so alone

Like nothing can help

The knife is all I see

The scars on my wrists

All from the pain before

Nothing can make it better

What is there to do but say goodbye

What do I have

What do I learn

How will this end for me

Come save me from myself

Wake me up

Make me see I have a reason to live

Make me see it isn't all over

Make it go away

Numb this pain

Make me happy again

Help me through the day

Help me see the light

Help me fight this fight

Help me come to life

Get rid of this hallow corpse

That has become me

See all I can be

Let this pain go away

Let me be whole again

Let me be free

Let me be me

She remembered when she wrote that. less then a year ago. She wrote it for her language arts class during their poetry unit. As soon as her teacher read it, she told Aubree's parents because she was worried about her so her parents started making the therapy sessions closer together thinking that it would help Aubree's state of mind. They thought that she was crying out for help, that she wanted to get better.

But Aubree didn't want to get better most of the time. she didn't deserve it. Her best friend died because of her. she knew she didn't deserve to get better. She left Haylie there to die! What kind of person was she?

She deserved everything that happened to her during that five months. She deserved all the pain that she was in now. She deserved every single scar she had on her arms from cutting.

But most importantly, Aubree knew that she didn't deserve to live.


	2. Chapter 2: Kayla

**wow...no reviews for the first chapter, i feel so loved...**

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Suicide Pact

Chapter 2

Kayla

Kayla Ross sat in the back of her history class at Bellevue High School. She had her head down and focused on the sketch she was working on in her notebook then listen to her teacher, Mr. Jones go on about the Revolutionary war.

History never fascinated Kayla. She didn't care who was the ambassador to France during the Revolutionary War or which battle it was that stopped the war making the British give the Patriots their independence.

It was history, when were you ever going to use it in real life, when you are held hostage by some crazy guy who thinks he is redcoat from back then and is asking for the Patriots guerilla tactics they learned from the Native Americans.

Mr. Jones always said it was because they needed to be culturally literate. That you look stupid not knowing what year the Revolutionary War ended or not knowing who wrote of Declaration of Independence or what people meant when they asked for your 'John Hancock' or not even knowing who John Hancock is. on the first day of school this year, Mr. Jones gave them a list of people they should know of and heard of, and if they didn't know any of them, they had to research them.

Like Kayla really needed to know who Sue Bird was. She didn't even watch women's basketball, let alone the Seattle Storm. to say the least, Kayla hated history. And Mr. Jones.

So that was why Kayla had her eyes glued to her notebook where she was sketching and focusing on her drawing and concentrated on shading in the hair that covered the girl in her pictures left eye and part of her face and then worked on the tear falling from the girls eye.

She didn't notice when Mr. Jones said her name the first time.

"Mikayla,"

Kayla nervously looked up to see the entire class turned around looking at her including Mr. Jones.

"um…yeah," Kayla said nervously as she pushed a strand of her dark brown hair behind her ear so it wasn't in her face.

"Ms. Ross, would you mind telling the class what Adolf Hitler's name would have been if his father never changed the last name," Mr. Jones said to her.

Kayla just looked back at him, her normally sorrow filled brown eyes meeting his cold blue ones.

She didn't say anything.

"Mikayla, tell the class the answer," Mr. Jones repeated.

Kayla opened her mouth to speak but just closed it not long after opening it. She had no clue what the answer was. And she also didn't care.

"Mikayla," Mr. Jones said.

"I…I don't know," Kayla answered him before looking down again.

She hated it when the class was staring at her. she absolutely hated the attention. She just wanted to disappear into the walls and not be there.

"I don't know is not the answer I was looking for," Mr. Jones replied.

Kayla looked up at him again not saying anything.

"Ms. Ross, were you even listening to the lesson," Mr. Jones said as he sighed.

Kayla just looked back at him not saying anything and kept her facial expression emotionless. Maybe if she stayed that way, Mr. Jones would just drop this and leave her alone.

But the bitter old man just stared back waiting for her answer, which Kayla didn't give him.

"Ms. Ross," he repeated for what felt like the hundredth time to Kayla, and she continued to say nothing.

Mr. Jones started down the rows of desks in the classroom over to her. She then glanced back down at her notebook, which had her sketch on it. When she looked back up, Mr. Jones was standing right in front of her desk. He grabbed her notebook of her desk and tore the drawing out that she was currently looking on. He then crumpled it up and dropped it to the floor.

"Ms. Ross, were you paying attention at all during this lesson,"

Kayla remained silent still and just looked back at him emotionlessly.

"Mikayla, if you are not going to pay attention to the lesson, I do not want you in my classroom, so take your stuff down to the office, I will call Principal Stokes and tell him you are on your way," Mr. Jones told her.

he then turned around and walked back to the front of the room where the whiteboard was and he had something written on it that Kayla didn't care to read. When he got up there, Kayla grabbed her bag off the floor next to her desk and threw her notebook in there and grabbed her crumpled up sketch off the floor.

"Mikayla, now please," Mr. Jones instructed her.

Apparently she was getting her stuff to slow for him. Kayla just rolled her eyes at him and walked down the aisle of desks and to the door of classroom and walked out.

As soon as she walked out the door, she heard Mr. Jones go back to the history lesson. So much for calling the office and telling them that she was on her way.

Kayla just walked down the hallways at Bellevue High School quietly as they other classes remained in session. She didn't care she was missing class. She was actually happy to just get out of there.

She walked into the office and the secretary Mrs. Shaw saw her instantly.

"Mr. Jones just called," she said. "Principal Haynes will be with you shortly, just go on in,"

Kayla walked past her and down the oh-so-familiar hallway to Principal Haynes's office. She had been there many times before so she knew the way.

Once she got to the door to his office she walked in and sat down in the chair across from his chair at his desk

She sat still for all of two seconds before she started tapping her foot against the floor and moved her left hand to her neck where she clutched her Star of David necklace that hung around her neck.

Few moments later, Principal Haynes walked in the room and took his sit at his desk across from Kayla. Kayla was leaned back in her chair with her right foot tapping the floor and left hand holding her Star of David necklace and she just looked at Principal Haynes emotionlessly.

"nice to see you Miss Ross," he said as he folded his hands. "can you tell me why Mr. Jones would have sent you to my office,"

Kayla just shrugged in response, which caused Principal Haynes to sigh and lean forward.

"do you honestly expect me to believe that you have no idea why he sent you to my office today?" Mr. Haynes asked her.

"no idea," Kayla said emotionlessly as her foot kept tapping the floor.

"Miss Ross, can you please stop tapping your foot and answer my question," Principal Haynes asked her nicely.

Kayla just ignored him and continued to tap her foot repeatedly against the floor, which caused him to sigh a second time.

"ok, Mikayla, were you paying attention in class?" Principal Haynes asked her.

Kayla continued to stay quiet not saying a word.

Principal Haynes then stood up and went to the many filing cabinets in his small office and pulls out a rather large file that would be bigger then most students. He then walked back over to his desk and sat back down in his chair, leaning forward again.

"Mikayla, you have been attending Bellevue High for the total of two months already and we have had more meetings then most troublemakers here combined," Principal Haynes said. "I know that you have had a rough past six years with what happened to your parents, you have been through seven foster homes already, but you need to pay attention in class so you can get a education,"

Kayla just glared at him for bringing up her parents. It had been six years since she had seen them and she didn't want to talk about it. Every foster home she had been in since also thought that she should open up to someone and tell them how she feels and go to therapy and stuff like that.

Kayla wasn't the kind of person that would walk into a shrink's office and start balling her eyes out and recall the events of that fateful day in March when she was eleven. She didn't want to talk about how her parents were murdered and why. She wasn't just going to explain how a terrorist with a sniper shot her parents and nearly killed her.

That just wasn't something she would do.

"Miss Ross, I think it would be best if you talked to our counselor about what happened," Principal Haynes told her. "I think it would be best if you opened and told someone, it will make you feel better, both of your foster parents think that you should do that also do to your ,"

"June and Mark have no idea what the hell they're talking about," Kayla finally said speaking up. "I don't need to open up about anything, I am fine the way I am,"

Principal Haynes just looked at her with his dark brown eyes.

"Mikayla…"

"Its Kayla," Kayla corrected him annoyed. "And I don't need this, I don't need to talk about it, I don't need to tell anyone what happened, now why don't you just go back to your job as a school principal and work on punishing other kids because that's all you could do with your pathetic excuse for a life,"

Kayla then stood up and stormed out of Principal Haynes's office leaving him there in shock at her sudden outburst. Kayla was always the quiet one; she rarely had outbursts like that. Its like she never had anything to say.

"Miss Ross!"

"Screw you!" Kayla called back with her voice echoing out through the hallway of the school.

She was right about that. She definitely didn't want to talk about it.


End file.
